Today is the first day of my intention to start a private personal journal. 

In this space, I am embarking on a personal journey to gain insight into my thoughts, emotions, and observations about the world and society that surround me. Inspired by the timeless wisdom of Marcus Aurelius, these journals will serve as a platform to reflect on the present, explore my inner world, and share my perspective on the ever-changing landscape of our society.

Since this is my first entry, I feel I should briefly describe the current state of my health, my current state of mind, and my current social and political environment.

State of Health – I am 77 years old.  I am 5’ 10” tall and weigh approximately 160-165 pounds.  I don’t drink alcohol, smoke, or use mind-altering substances. I was diagnosed with pre-Type 2 Diabetes in 2005 and have bounced up and down on the diabetes spectrum with quarterly A1c readings ranging between 6.2 and 7.2.  My latest A1C was 6.4.  I have been controlling my diabetes with Metformin, aerobic exercise (road cycling), and, to a lesser degree, diet. Other medications I take are Atorvastatin (cholesterol), Valsartan (blood pressure), Tamsulosin (urinary volume), and Trazadone (for sleep). I have been generally healthy my entire life but, since I turned 70, I have experienced a pinched nerve in the L3-L4 region which required outpatient surgery, and kidney stones which required anesthetized outpatient treatment/surgery at St. Charles Hospital in Bend on two occasions.  I have been experiencing “foggy brain” and occasional dizziness following COVID-19 vaccinations two years ago.  My PCP recommended wearing a two-week heart monitor which resulted in some rare low heartbeat arrhythmia (diagnosed as Bradycardia).  An echocardiogram showed a healthy, mechanically functioning heart.  I will soon be seeing a specialist who will test my heart’s electrical signals to determine if I should receive a pacemaker.  I began road cycling in 2006 which has greatly improved both physical and mental health and a reduction in weight from a high of 215 pounds to a low of 150 pounds. My VO2max reading based on heart rate and power calculations in Garmin Connect is currently in the Superior range (top 5% for my +70-age group).  I have developed a strong aerobic engine.

State of Mind – Presently I consider my mental state to be mostly healthy, though I am currently experiencing some depression mainly due to the lack of interest by, quite frankly everyone, in theFocusOnLife.com website I developed this past year.  I attribute the depression to overblown unfulfilled expectations.  I have developed resentment towards my friends and family who have provided absolutely no support or interest in a project in which I have expended a tremendous amount of effort and significant funds.  Thanks to the valuable lessons I have learned in the Alcoholics Anonymous program I recognize that the resentments affect me negatively and that it is my choice whether to let these resentments affect my relationships or not.  I am praying for the wisdom to determine whether this is something I can change or simply accept.  Still waiting…

State of the World – Quite frankly, it’s a horrible mess, which is undoubtedly contributing to my being in a depressed state.  Censorship and activist journalism have resulted in propaganda wars and unreliable (i.e. fake) news.  Big Brother is around the corner.  We are on the brink of a world war, which I attribute largely to a very weak foreign policy in the current administration.  Half the population believes the President is corrupt and the Department of Justice has been weaponized against the main presidential opponent for the next election. There is a war in Eastern Europe between Russia and Ukraine.  A horrific jihadist terror attack by Hamas in Israel has led to war in Gaza.  Inflation is out of control.  Crime is out of control. There is an illegal immigration crisis at the southern border of the United States with millions of illegal immigrants being allowed to enter the United States without security background checks and at taxpayers’ expense.  Schoolchildren and college students are being indoctrinated by socialists to hate our country and its history. Meritocracy and individualism is denigrated. Victimhood is promoted and praised.

This is too depressing.  I’m going to stop here.